Saturday, July 12, 2014

Reflecting...


This morning I got an email from one of my cousins.  It was one of those chain emails, the kind that I admit I don't normally open.  For some reason, I scrolled through it and stopped when I saw this photo.

I often have a dream that I'm sitting on a bench, in a scene almost exactly like this, talking to my mom who passed away back in 2005.  When I wake up, I never remember the conversation, but the scene of the dream is always the same.   And I always wake up with a comforted feeling, that my mom is still with me.

The last time my mom and I got to sit down and talk, I was 24 years old and it was right before she passed away.  We both knew the time was coming for her to go, and neither of us wanted to admit it.  What I remember most from that conversation was my mom telling me to live my life for myself, and for God...because what anyone else thinks doesn't matter.   She told me that she never followed a normal set of rules in life...she had me on her own, during a time when being a single parent wasn't very common.  She did what was right for her in life.  People judged her, but she didn't care.  She said it wasn't always easy for her, but she had no regrets.  I asked her what she wanted for me.  She hoped I would find true love, and that I would have children.  Lately I've been thinking that my mom would be comforted to see me today, in a happy relationship and about to welcome a sweet little boy into the world.   Each day I am comforted to know that she looks down on us and sees a loving relationship, with mutual respect and happiness.

If I could sit down on a bench with anyone for an hour, I would love to sit down again with my mom.  It's been 9 years and some days the years feel like they've flown by and other times like they've gone so slowly.

I'd love to hear her tips for parenting (I think she would tell me to just enjoy every second!), and I'd ask her if Heaven is as beautiful as I imagine it must be.  I would talk to her about my fears (childbirth! eek!!) and my joys in life.  I would ask her if she gets to see our loved ones in Heaven, and what a normal day is like...or if there are even normal days up there.  I am honestly not exactly sure what I'd say, but I'd soak up every single minute of that hour with pure thankfulness for having another hour to spend with my mom who I miss so much.

Thinking about this makes me realize we get so busy in life that we don't truly enjoy the hours we spend with people.  An hour is just a blip on our radar;  but if we take time to slow down and appreciate the hours we have with people now, we will feel more at peace.   I know I'll be making an effort to slow down life a bit, and just enjoy the moments and hours I have with people I love.  Life is far too short, and we should all appreciate and enjoy what we have....every moment is a blessing.

So, the question remains...who would you talk to if you had an hour to sit and talk with one person, from the present or past?

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